If there is one thing that I am certain about then it is my belief that we as individuals need to do ongoing introspection, evaluation and adjustments to ourselves as people. This for me is a given…but I will concede today, that it is not always the easiest of tasks. There is no other being out there that can ever be harder on me than what I am on myself. It is a constant battle of having to check, go back and check again, and then just for safety sake go and check again that I am certain of what I have found. It is not only exhausting, but emotionally and spiritually draining. I have often wished that I could be one of those individuals that just don’t care…those that have the opinion of take me as I am or leave me. I am not prepared to change myself for anyone. Unfortunately, or rather fortunately I am the way I am and I have managed to live through some pretty hectic things because of the way I am and because of the way I do things.
There is a downside to this way of life, and that is that I constantly doubt myself, question myself and often times find myself not measuring up. So for all of my childhood I could look around me and evaluate my life according to what I saw in others. Dads and their son’s playing around and having fun; parents supporting their kids on the sports field; parents treating their kids the same and giving them all the same love and attention; parents and children communicating in such a loving way. So these became the measuring tools that I used to measure myself, even as a kid, and yes, as always when I didn’t measure up I assumed that I was the one who was not good enough or deserving enough of all these things. The less I measured up the harder I tried, but dammit, nothing ever changed, I still felt useless and inadequate. I became a very angry child who would fight with other kids, hit walls and doors, until eventually that didn’t help anymore either, so I started hiding away from the world and eventually I became so insignificant that no one saw me anymore. The walls I erected around myself where so high and so reinforced that not even I could get in anymore.
So what is the message that I am trying to send out into the world today? If I had a hard time growing up then the children today are having an even harder time because they are not only competing with other ‘ideal families’, they are competing with cell phones and social media, with long work hours and fast lifestyles…they are competing with dysfunctional families, divorced parents, bullying, fashion, technology and drugs and alcohol been pushed at them from every angle. They are also competing with the Jones’s to have what everyone else has and better.
Parents are competing with a dog-eat-dog professional mentality, with lost dreams and crushed hopes, and the need to at all cost give their children more than they ever had, regardless of the cost involved. Let me tell you how easy it is to spot your children in the classes I teach, I see them on the playground and in the social circles that they move around in…there are so many of them that feel that they don’t measure up. There are so many of them that feel lost and broken inside. There are so many of them that think that this life is not worth living. Do you know what the worst part is? We are so busy protecting our children from reality, responsibility, and from growing up and taking ownership for themselves and their lives that we forget to protect them from ourselves!
They don’t need more fancy gadgets and the promise of a huge inheritance, they need you to be a man that they can look up to and that they can get their examples from. If you were blessed with the ability to father children then dammit stand up and be a father. Your children want your recognition, they need your approval and they yearn for you to just notice them. They so badly want to spend time in your company, listen to the stories you tell and learn from you about life and love and family. YOU are the hero they seek in this world that is so upside down and confusing.
I hear people complain all the time that there are no MEN left in our world, no MEN to take care of families, no MEN to treat woman the way they deserve to be treated. Do you ever wonder why people are saying that? I will give you my two cents worth – because men are not born men, they are moulded from little boys, shaped and honed into fathers, brothers, and sons. That is what our world and our children need more than anything else…Fathers who can be their HEROES!
Please don’t leave your sons feeling like they are worthless individuals that don’t matter to you, because in the blink of an eye they become just another suicide statistic.
Guys, give woman their public holiday on the 9th of August…and let us claim our own day and call it HEROES DAY! A day on which we celebrate men… and we make it every day from today!!